INT. OFFICES OF FEARNLEY PRODUCTIONS: DAYTIME
A development meeting is in full throw. Creative's sit around in a semi circle brainstorming ideas, as their chief a top TV foodie/down shifter paces up and down.
FEARNLEY
“Right team I need a campaign and it needs to be a bloody good one”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“A campaign? … I thought you turned down Tesco boss”
FEARNLEY
“I'm not doing bloody adverts, I don’t want to be known as a cut price Oliver”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
“What do you mean a campaign then boss”
FEARNLY
“You know like the bloody school dinners… bang on about turkey twizzlers, give chav kids rocket and balsamic and suddenly your a national hero. He gets to have tea with the prime minister and Channel Four will commission him doing whatever he wants for years to come.”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“I think your pretty safe with Channel Four boss, your the channels number two food guy ”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
(cough)
“Gordon”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“Well, a solid third boss”
FEARNLY
“look guys I know just as well as anyone at Horseferry Road that the public are not going to want to watch me spatchcock badgers forever. We only got three hours out of my last series. I need something big, something landmark, a real campaigning series, something that will galvanize the nation”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
“You could sort out aeroplane food boss, that’s well shit”
FEARNLY
“Come on guys we need the chav factor here, poor people go on aeroplanes maybe only once or twice a year, sometimes never. We need something bigger, something that will make people like us feel smug about people like them. I watched one of the school dinners programs and it made me think, thank god I send my children to school with a packed lunch.”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“How about chicken’s boss, everyone likes chicken don’t they. Rich and poor we all eat chicken, but the stuff Iceland sells to the working class is probably genetically modified in Romania ”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
“Yeah and its like well cruel the way their treated”
FEARNLY
“Briliant”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“Do you think you could cry on camera over the chickens being killed boss?”
FEARNLY
“For a 5x60 I’ll do a lot more than bloody cry”
“Right team I need a campaign and it needs to be a bloody good one”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“A campaign? … I thought you turned down Tesco boss”
FEARNLEY
“I'm not doing bloody adverts, I don’t want to be known as a cut price Oliver”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
“What do you mean a campaign then boss”
FEARNLY
“You know like the bloody school dinners… bang on about turkey twizzlers, give chav kids rocket and balsamic and suddenly your a national hero. He gets to have tea with the prime minister and Channel Four will commission him doing whatever he wants for years to come.”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“I think your pretty safe with Channel Four boss, your the channels number two food guy ”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
(cough)
“Gordon”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“Well, a solid third boss”
FEARNLY
“look guys I know just as well as anyone at Horseferry Road that the public are not going to want to watch me spatchcock badgers forever. We only got three hours out of my last series. I need something big, something landmark, a real campaigning series, something that will galvanize the nation”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
“You could sort out aeroplane food boss, that’s well shit”
FEARNLY
“Come on guys we need the chav factor here, poor people go on aeroplanes maybe only once or twice a year, sometimes never. We need something bigger, something that will make people like us feel smug about people like them. I watched one of the school dinners programs and it made me think, thank god I send my children to school with a packed lunch.”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“How about chicken’s boss, everyone likes chicken don’t they. Rich and poor we all eat chicken, but the stuff Iceland sells to the working class is probably genetically modified in Romania ”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 2
“Yeah and its like well cruel the way their treated”
FEARNLY
“Briliant”
DEVELOPMENT RESEARCHER 1
“Do you think you could cry on camera over the chickens being killed boss?”
FEARNLY
“For a 5x60 I’ll do a lot more than bloody cry”
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