Despair

I'd like to wake up on a Monday morning and feel optimistic for the week ahead. That this week would be cunt free, and I'd maybe get to sit in on an edit of a programme for a few hours that actually contained some thought provoking content. No. I arrive at work and pick up the latest addition of Broadcast (weekly industry magazine) and my week is greeted with these cataclysmic piles of shit:

Commissions in this weeks broadcast (18th Jan):

Reality series 'Murder Most Famous' is the latest twist on the celebrity talent show - six famous faces (yet to be confirmed) will be assigned murder detection challenges including dog tracking, resisting a violent attack and an autospy. They will then have to use what they learn to inspire their own crime fiction novel.

So let me get this right - they're going to get some celebritites to write a best fucking seller? Can't they just put them in a mansion and get them to kill each other then the winner can write about that? At least that way we'd have at least five less fucking celebrities to worry about. This is 'eye gouge' television - so bad that you'd rather gouge your eyes out then put them through the pain of watching another badly lit, soft focused cheap digital video nightmare.

'Doctor in The House' BBC3: will perform 'live' autopsies' on hedonistic youngsters and confront them with what they are doing to themsleves. (The autopsy is of course virtual though I wouldn't be suprised in this day and age if they did actually chop someone open live on television).

BBC3 is fast becoming the biggest producer of shit television the world has ever seen. Not content with destroying my soul with seven series of 2 Cunts of Lager and a Packet of Twats, they have frankly cornered the market in shittly named, shit reality documentarys. In fact to use the term documentary is an insult to the format which has produced some of the greatest programmes I can remember. Shock tactics are so fucking passe! Kids take drugs! Get over it!

'Glamour Girls' BBC3: Aims to lift the lid on the modelling world to discover just how glamorous it is.

*Yawn*

Supersize v Superskinny Ch4: A fat and a thin woman change diets. Suprisingly the thin woman puts weight on and the fat woman loses weight. Now theres a fucking suprise.

I never want to see this.

So as you can probably guess this month I'll mainly be downloading television from America to avoid sitting through one nano second of this tripe. Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles has been recieving rave reviews in the states (even if the lead has been criticised by feminists for not being muscely enough!?) so I will be sitting back and watching the first two episodes. I suggest you join me.

FACT OF THE WEEK.

Ben Fogles career high is 'presenting crufts'.