Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.
The late, great Johny Cash sung these words in his song the Man in Black. Little did he know the dark shade would become deriguer for the media tosser. Black shirt, black mac book,black iphone, black car, black spectacles, black north face jacket - Henry Ford would certainly approve.
Which brings me on to my first day back at work this year. Christmas time is a time for relaxing and spending time with family. Get out of the city, breathe in the fresh country air, crack open a bottle of Merlot and put your feet up and watch Noels Christmas Presents. The last thing you do over Christmas is think about work or check your work email. Surely!?
Well apparently you do. Everyone else had. Because when I turned up to work today every fucker was dressed in black. Had someone died? No they had all read this little beauty.
Sent: 25th Dec 07
To: Staff list
Attention all staff, the first day back at the office we will be having a photo shoot for the website upgrade. The new website will feature extra staff profiles as well as some jolly stylish photos of the building, it's going to be pretty special. It's going to make Jealousy's website look rubbish compared to ours! To show XXXXXXX as the progressive cutting edge facilities house that we all know it is, we are requesting all staff to wear black for the photoshoot.
Apparently the cool new thing to do for your facilities website is have photos of all staff members looking like contestants in the Apprentice, complete with a fresh Top Gear grade, dressed in black and with a look of 'I'm positively cooler than everyone else in the world'. This was in the email I should have read, sent over Christmas. But I wasn't dressed in Black. Unbeknown to me and from not have reading this urgent mailout, I was dressed in my fresh Christmas day outfit of Carhartt. Feeling like Delboy and Rodney in the Batman and Robin episode of 'Only Fools and Horses', I meekly asked the recieptionist if some echolon of the Television industry had died and everyone was wearing black out of respect. But my hell was only beginning.
Do you remember those beautiful days at Primary School? Life was fun, playing around making sandcastles and looking forward to running around the sports hall in your freshly pressed gym kit and plimsoles. Then the horror when you realise you've left your kit at home, and the teacher reaches into the cupboard to get you the dreaded 'spare kit'. You become the laughing stock of the class for the day, everyone says you smell of wee. Its horrible.
They had spare kit at work. A Cowellesque Comme Des Garcons combo of black shirt and trousers that an editor had hanging round spare in a suite. They did look rather nice apart from being three sizes too big and smelling of the piss and sweat of a 48 hour long edit. And if this wasn't punishment enough, I had to stand at the front. My life is over.
Always check your email. I wish Johny Cash had sung a fucking song about that!
Which brings me on to my first day back at work this year. Christmas time is a time for relaxing and spending time with family. Get out of the city, breathe in the fresh country air, crack open a bottle of Merlot and put your feet up and watch Noels Christmas Presents. The last thing you do over Christmas is think about work or check your work email. Surely!?
Well apparently you do. Everyone else had. Because when I turned up to work today every fucker was dressed in black. Had someone died? No they had all read this little beauty.
Sent: 25th Dec 07
To: Staff list
Attention all staff, the first day back at the office we will be having a photo shoot for the website upgrade. The new website will feature extra staff profiles as well as some jolly stylish photos of the building, it's going to be pretty special. It's going to make Jealousy's website look rubbish compared to ours! To show XXXXXXX as the progressive cutting edge facilities house that we all know it is, we are requesting all staff to wear black for the photoshoot.
Apparently the cool new thing to do for your facilities website is have photos of all staff members looking like contestants in the Apprentice, complete with a fresh Top Gear grade, dressed in black and with a look of 'I'm positively cooler than everyone else in the world'. This was in the email I should have read, sent over Christmas. But I wasn't dressed in Black. Unbeknown to me and from not have reading this urgent mailout, I was dressed in my fresh Christmas day outfit of Carhartt. Feeling like Delboy and Rodney in the Batman and Robin episode of 'Only Fools and Horses', I meekly asked the recieptionist if some echolon of the Television industry had died and everyone was wearing black out of respect. But my hell was only beginning.
Do you remember those beautiful days at Primary School? Life was fun, playing around making sandcastles and looking forward to running around the sports hall in your freshly pressed gym kit and plimsoles. Then the horror when you realise you've left your kit at home, and the teacher reaches into the cupboard to get you the dreaded 'spare kit'. You become the laughing stock of the class for the day, everyone says you smell of wee. Its horrible.
They had spare kit at work. A Cowellesque Comme Des Garcons combo of black shirt and trousers that an editor had hanging round spare in a suite. They did look rather nice apart from being three sizes too big and smelling of the piss and sweat of a 48 hour long edit. And if this wasn't punishment enough, I had to stand at the front. My life is over.
Always check your email. I wish Johny Cash had sung a fucking song about that!
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