Went for a rare pint after work yesterday evening at the pub next door to the office. Being a media watering hole you have to keep your complaining about wankers from work (and the industry at large) to a low level while sipping your five pound bottle of beer. It's normally not too difficult because most people’s voices will be largely inaudible due to at least one strutting cock of a media show-off hooting off at a volume similar to a landing 747 about his latest project. Step forward this evenings perpetrator, a development producer not content with letting everyone in earshot know how he was getting paid a obscene amount by a large indie because commissioners simply view him as 'a friend..... and the fact my ideas just kick ass'. Do they just....
Well what a shame he managed to leave his ideas book behind when he left the pub. I'll send it on to him of course, just when I can find an address for 'twat of the world'. But for now I bring to you the inane ideas he had jotted down in this notebook. Sadly these are all to likely to end up on our corrupted TV screens instead of anything that's useful to life on earth. Plus the cunt will probably be a commissioner one day.
Whats on the slate....
Cooking with Cannibals
There are few taboos left in society but eating human flesh is certainly one of them. In this ground breaking but also light hearted series, a top (but affordable) TV chef (maybe Ainsley, his agents interested) travels into the depths of the Amazon rainforest to visit the few remaining tribes in the world with a taste for eating people.
The Horse through History (BBC 1, around the countryfile slot 6x30)Ben Fogle takes the viewer on a gentle journey explaining man's relationship with the horse throughout history. From Troy to Ascot.
Madiq Alhemed has the largest scrotum on record in the world weighing over 15lb's which has left him incapacitated. We will follow his journey to the world's top speacialist hospital in Saudi Arabia where he will undergo a groundbreaking operation to minimise his scrotum.
The 1980’s House
The 1980’s House
Can you imagine living without the Internet, your mobile phone or X Factor? Well once people did and it was called the 1980’s . The 1980’s House will challenge a 21st Century family to live like they might have 25 years ago. To add to the authenticity during the series the family's mother will go on strike and the father lose his job.
Steve McFadden's Street Gangs (30 x 60) Bravo
In this highly original and daring series, TV hardman Steve McFadden (Phil Mitchell in Eastenders) visits Los Angeles to spend half an hour with members of the Crips and the Bloods street gangs.
If he survives this encounter, he will go on to meet members of other notorious crews around the world. Following the exact same format each week, conducting an interview with a gang member at a secret location and coming to little in the way of a interesting conclusion about his experience. Steve will be given full military training so he will be able to lock and load a firearm on camera at any opportunity. Full access has been granted to all of the most dangerous gangs in the world.
If he survives this encounter, he will go on to meet members of other notorious crews around the world. Following the exact same format each week, conducting an interview with a gang member at a secret location and coming to little in the way of a interesting conclusion about his experience. Steve will be given full military training so he will be able to lock and load a firearm on camera at any opportunity. Full access has been granted to all of the most dangerous gangs in the world.
Griff Rhys-Jones, Rory McGrath and Dara O'Brien follow on from their successful BBC 2 series by traveling down the Nung River from Vietnam to Cambodia retracing the journey featured in the film Apocalypse Now.
Blue Peter
Documentary following Peter Andre making a pornographic film (would Jordan agree to Peter doing this? could we get her involved?).
Ring Of Fire 10x60 (ITV1)
A crack team of celebrity daredevils join a world famous motorcycle stuntman (Evel Knieval has unfortunately passed away so we'll have to go with someone else), and undergo 6 weeks of rigourous training before attempting to jump their metal steed through the deadly 'ring of fire'. Fran Cosgrove interested, as is Jack Ryder (great name for it!) and Tara Palmer Tomkinson. Ewan and Charlie budget allowing. Jonny Cash for the theme music. Presented by Jack Osbourne.
Dancing With Dogs (15 x 60 plus 14 x 30 results shows, BBC1)
Following on from the success of Strictly Come Dancing and The One and Only, 14 Celebrities and their dogs join Graham Norton and his Labradoodle Bailey in a weekly knockout format to find the Dancing With Dogs Champion. Members of the Top Lodge Trio are confirmed to offer our celebrities expert guidance in the art of Dog Dancing, and top canine freestyler Richard Curtis (not the Notting Hill chap) as judge alongside seasoned celebrity dog dancer Esther Ranson. Sharon Osbourne is extremely interested in contesting if she can get her pets through quarantine.
Thats your lot for now. Keep your eyes peeled for more titbits from the holy grail in coming weeks........... milk and two fucking sugars!
Documentary following Peter Andre making a pornographic film (would Jordan agree to Peter doing this? could we get her involved?).
Ring Of Fire 10x60 (ITV1)
A crack team of celebrity daredevils join a world famous motorcycle stuntman (Evel Knieval has unfortunately passed away so we'll have to go with someone else), and undergo 6 weeks of rigourous training before attempting to jump their metal steed through the deadly 'ring of fire'. Fran Cosgrove interested, as is Jack Ryder (great name for it!) and Tara Palmer Tomkinson. Ewan and Charlie budget allowing. Jonny Cash for the theme music. Presented by Jack Osbourne.
Dancing With Dogs (15 x 60 plus 14 x 30 results shows, BBC1)
Following on from the success of Strictly Come Dancing and The One and Only, 14 Celebrities and their dogs join Graham Norton and his Labradoodle Bailey in a weekly knockout format to find the Dancing With Dogs Champion. Members of the Top Lodge Trio are confirmed to offer our celebrities expert guidance in the art of Dog Dancing, and top canine freestyler Richard Curtis (not the Notting Hill chap) as judge alongside seasoned celebrity dog dancer Esther Ranson. Sharon Osbourne is extremely interested in contesting if she can get her pets through quarantine.
Thats your lot for now. Keep your eyes peeled for more titbits from the holy grail in coming weeks........... milk and two fucking sugars!
2 comments:
damn, can he be an more derivative?
Derivation is the nature of the industry!
Dancing on bloody ice indeed! how about "celebrity rollerdisco"
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