Commissioner Boredom

Also tonight, been out for a few drinks down a trendy new bar which has been made to look exactly like the old mans pub it used too be but without the drunken cockney regulars. The captains jackets and no doubt Winehouse and Doherty will soon be a fixture here, and I just wanted to let everyone know that I was a pioneer before old crackhive whitened the shelves in the ladies. I was having a conversation with a friend who works as a runner at the offices of a production company, when this story arrived in the conversation. I really have to give her credit for the use of the phrase 'cuntwash'.

"The commissioner. The walking living god of the TV industry. The person who can make or break a production company. People go on as though these tossers are saving lives, instead of just dolling out slabs of their production budget to their old Oxford chums.

When a commissioner deems your company worthy of a personal visit, all the stops are pulled out. The best organic produce will have been collected. Choco Leibniz spread out, the freshly squeezed pomegranate juice prepared. All waiting for the arrival of the black clad, NHS glasses wearing commissioning cuntwash. If you fuck one of these cunts over, your well and truly screwed; no commissions from their channel until their sacked - and they will be - that’s the only nice thing about those commissioner cunts. Their all sacked at some point. I mean you only have to spunk a few hundred grand away on worthless cutting edges that sit on the shelf for years before your surely kicked out the door.

When they very rarely visit the office, as a runner as you might catch some of the meeting as your bringing the food, pouring the coffee or fellating where applicable around the meeting table. You will hear your boss, the exec who normally strides around the office like he is the fucking son of god, suddenly turn into Jack Lemmon in Glengarry Glen Ross - the washed up old salesman desperately trying to close the deal. As you hear him twitter on about the 'Landmark series that will reinvent the way reality television is interpreted' you look over at the commissioner in all his smug glory. Stroking his chin and drinking black coffee (some have soya milk I may add), looking like a Roman Emperor about to raise or lower his thumb at the end of a blood thirsty gladiatorial clash. With all this power I cant help thinking it must be really easy for them to get laid, but they probably spend most of their spare time wanking off over their own reflection in a full length mirror instead."

How true this is. These fuckers are largely responsible for the state of television today and should take note of when TV was great, when ideas didn't involve repackaging all the inept programmes they've already had into new, even more boring wrappers. Arrange me a marriage? I'll arrange you a cab. And no we won't fucking put it on the bill you cheeky cunt.