Points Of View

18th February 2008

Dear Mr.Controller,

Last week heralded the re-launch of BBC3 (or should I call it 'Three'). You obviously spent millions removing the quite brilliant Aardman idents and replacing them with the pink logo, I have to ask why. Also, to celebrate this monumental occasion you launched the night with ‘Phoo Action’; a translation of a comic strip aired in Face Magazine in 1996, which was created by Gorillaz artist Jamie Hewlett. It sounded good so I tuned in; just what you needed to wrestle those viewers back from Skins!

You obviously thought so to. I imagine you wanking over your own brilliance, as you immediately commissioned the program for a whole series before the pilot went out.

Big mistake.

Phoo Action is quite possibly the worst thing I’ve seen on television for a long time. The production values are utter toss: it’s over lit, there’s no definition to the picture and every shot has a headache of neon splattered across it. The program was edited together like a poor mans Mighty Boosh, and the music so on the cutting edge of cool it’ll be probably be out of fashion by tomorrow. The story line was clunky, (something about a basketball headed mutant murdering the queen?) - and the direction and acting wouldn't have looked out of place in a Carry On film. Hot new ‘talent’ Jaime Winstone was akin to Barbera Windsor faffing about in hot-pants, while another Bruce-Lee-A-Like character was like Sid James at his calamitous best. Also, if I see one more thing referencing that fucking yellow suit from Kill Bill I will honestly slit my wrists. Unfortunately all the finger-on-the-pulse creative’s you employ seem to think this is the epitome of cool from the Far East; how further could they be from the truth. I think my fate is sealed. Not even Apollo Creed as the police officer could stop me. He should have stuck with Rocky.

So I'll just leave you with a word of advice - if you want something to look Japanese import it in from Japan. Check out Samurai Champloo – you could’ve saved a fortune by buying this in. It also benefits from actually being good as well! Plus it has DJ scratchy stuff so the kids will love it yeah! Oh and next time you commission a whole series on the strength of it being appealing to 14 years olds, put it on CBBC – the poor kids haven’t got Grange Hill anymore.

Yours sincerely,

A.Runner
(Age 23 ¾)

PS: I just caught Lily on the Iplayer. That was shit as well.