Downfall

“Alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan they’ve gone completely crazy in Edit 17 you have to do something”

Fiona came running down the stairs into reception shouting at me for help, tears running down her face like she had just stared straight into the heart of darkness. Something had gone seriously tits up in that edit suite, something really dark had happened up there.

“Peter Fincham's arriving in half a hour for a viewing in there, and Dixon and Toby seem to have gone completely fucking mad, do something Alan, please.”

What was she on about? What the fuck were these two clowns playing at now? I'd just about had enough of the Dixon and Toby show.

I slowly walked up the stairs, there was a eerie feeling emanating from the second floor that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up like electricity. I could hear murmuring in the distance; a inane barely legible babble that turned my stomach. Everything was moving in slow motion, and as I turned the corner the horror of what had happened came directly into focus.

Toby was sat crossed legged in the hallway wearing nothing but a torn American Apparel T-shirt, a makeshift Rambo headband ripped from its side and pulled taught around his head. His eyes rolled and dribble glistened from the corner of his mouth. A fecal smell filled the air, as Toby then applied a thick brown streak of his own effluence across his cheeks. He looked like the lead in a scat movie remake of Apocalypse Now. Toby pulled a zippo from his pocket and lit it, rocking back and forth staring at the flame, his mumbling chokes forming the words, "the horror the horror….."

I stepped past him towards the edit suite, and the sound of hardcore porn filled the corridor. I pushed the door of E-17 open and was even more shocked. On the monitor, a loop played constantly from the latest episode of Ambulance Chasers in preparation for Peter Finchams viewing. Where there should have been shots of injury lawyers chasing claims, there was now Bang Brothers porn clips spliced randomly into the action.

I heard a noise and my eyes turned to the right. My jaw literally dropped to the floor. In the middle of the room, Dixon was stark bollock naked, on his knees, his face down, licking the carpet. He stopped and turned to look up at me in wonder, his eyes burning madness and as wide as dustbin lids.

“Dr. Gonzo, come here, come down here and taste it….it tastes of…. it tastes of….. jupiter juice.”

Toby and Dixon seemed to be in a very dark place indeed. They had entered there own galaxy, in a nightmare of their own darkest pop culture references. Like they said at Woodstock, you got to watch out for that brown acid.

The door burst open, and in charged Sergei the security guard. “Stand back Alan my friend. I will sort this out.” He grabbed Dixon by the neck, causing him to cry out in shock; "No!! My jupiter juice!!" Sergei charged out the room with him, grabbing Toby by the scruff of the neck as he moved, Dixon stretching out in awe to touch Toby's shit streamed cheeks. The screams and hoots waned as they were marched down the stairs and thrown out onto the cold hard pavements of Soho.

Then Stephen, the main boss, stormed into the edit suite.

“Fincham's here in fifteen minutes what the fuck is happening? Alan whats been going on?”

"Um I…I think Dixon and Toby might have been taking lots of drugs lately and went a bit too far. They’ve had a meltdown."

The boss stared at the monitor, as a particularly hardcore clip played from Dixon's porn collection.

“What the fuck is that! If a commissioner sees this we're totally fucked!!"

“I think Dixon might have been using the edit suite to make compilations of his pornographic film collection"

“Fuck! Have we got anybody who can fix this before Fincham arives???" Stephen knew there was no time, but I had an idea.

"I've been Dixon and Toby’s runner for the last few weeks so I know the programme they’ve been cutting pretty well; I might be able to fix it, if you give me the chance."

Stephen stared at me and thought it over, time was of the essence here but would he take a chance on me. He smiled and said “Give it a go kid.”

I jumped on the Final Cut and quickly switched it back to the original cut minus Dixon's porn collection. Ten minutes later and the project was restored. The suite was ready for the viewing.

Stephen was amazed. “Fuck Finchams here - Alan you’ve gone and saved the day, I wont forget this. You've done a bloody good job! I think its time you moved up the ranks here. "

And with that it was all over.

Now I know what some off you might be thinking. Why on earth would Dixon and Toby take a strong dose of psychedelic drugs at work a few hours before such an important appointment?

So Miss Marple,was foul play involved? Did anyone bare a grudge against these two men?

Perhaps someone got hold of some extra strong LSD that a work mate was offloading, and maybe he or she really hated Dixon and Toby for all the shit they had given them and decided to get his their own back. Perhaps a handful of Wall.E’s were added to that pot of Earl Grey that went up to Edit 17 a few hours before. Maybe while Dixon and Toby were outside having a Marlborough light, that someone reconnected their edit to Dixon's 'special harddrive' of pornography, to make it look like he had been editing porno clips instead of the tv programme he was meant to be working on. Then that someone, may have just sat back and watched the shit hit the fan, before saving the day.

You could think that but you would be wrong of course….......well mostly.