Sugar Daddy

Another year, another series of The Apprentice. Now, you probably think I'm about to give the show both barrels - well your wrong.

The Apprentice is the most entertaining show on television. Why? I'll tell you.

First we have Sugar himself, the king of sarcasm. With great lines such as "You need to stick to that sale like shit to a blanket" I can quite easily forgive the fact that he looks like a angry hedgehog. Sugar is pure entertainment; he knows how to play the game and to keep the most annoying contestants in as long as possible. They're the ones the public want to watch, they get the ratings and Sugar gets more cash - the mans a genius! I actually remember watching the original American version of The Apprentice with Donald Trump (I've never understood why one of the richest men in the world can't afford a decent hairpiece) and while entertaining, Sugar blows that shit right out of the water.

But its not just Sugar that makes the show - its the contestants. The girls spend all their time arguing, and the boys wooping and hi-fiving each other. They're generally all quite posh (with the addition of a few token 'geezers' and self-made ghetto kids), and are as thick as pig shit, having spent the majority of their privileged lives banging on about how great they are at 'sales' and forgetting to learn any common sense. I wouldn't be surprised if they had motivational words tattooed on to the inside of their eyelids so they can can focus on winning even with their eyes closed. In any normal situation I would run a mile, but by giving these idiots simple tasks to do which their combination of egos ultimately always fucks up makes for utterly riveting television.

This series has already set a benchmark in a stupidity, which is a considerable achievement at such an early stage in proceedings. The teams (which I would personally call 'testorone' and 'estrogen') were set the task of running a launderette. The boys were managed by Raef, who was constantly edited laughing like a crazed megalomaniac, and also featured Vicky Pollards brother (he's done a food hygiene course apparently). The monumentally frog stupid girls team, managed by Jenny (who looks like a female version of footballer Darren Anderton), tried to charge their clients £4.99 to wash a pillowcase, and also lost a mass of their clients clothes. This was discovered AFTER they had begged these people for tips, a sequence which hasn't caused me to cringe so much since watching Borat. These 'business' decisions were met with absolute derision by Sugar, and the girls reacted by arguing like mad and pointing the finger at each other, with the upper crust Lucinda feeling the force of the rest of the team. Suffice to say the boys won. Thankfully Sir Alan fired the boring one and we can look forward to many more weeks of bungling and backstabbing.

I'm yet to make judgment on the rest of the contestants, but my first impressions tell me that the ex-army guy is going to win it, but I'm not really that fussed to be honest. The most important thing is that at last, theres finally some television that I can sit down and watch.

Thanks Sugar!