Fickle Hearts of Darkness

I was briskly walking through Dean Street on the way to work when I noticed a single lily tied to the railings at the side of the road. It was beautiful, almost poignant - a solitary beauty shining through the grit and stress of the city mid-morning. I was suddenly overcome with emotion, but I couldn't put my finger on it; this sight had triggered something deep within me. I wanted to stop and absorb the moment but couldn't as I was running late, so had to quickly move on.

When I got into work, people were gathered round in the lobby talking. Several runners, the facilities manager, Dixon and even the MD. Just my luck - late for work and I have a welcoming committee. Then Erika on reception calls me over and greets me with her dulcet tones (shes a bit thick and has this really dull voice, she stretches out my name so it comes out more like Aaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllaaaaan, its really annoying).

“Alan have you heard the news?”

Great - not even been in the office for five minutes and already I’m going to have to pretend to be interested in Fincham’s latest career move. I replied no, resisting the temptation to admit that I have better things to do than surf Production Base and Broadcast Now all evening.

“That editor up in the Yentob, the old dude - Rod - or whatever he was called, him in the Yentob suite”

“Rudyard… I thought they finished up last night.”

“Yeah they did, but not until early this morning after the executives changes. It was light when he left, and he was on his way home. But he only got as far as Dean Street. Oh Alan its so sad.”

The flower.

Then Toby piped up.

"A Soho courier on his bike smashed into him. He got a bike wheel in one side of his head and the kerb in the other. Well fucked him up. They said he died instantly. The courier didn’t even have a scratch on him.”

It can't be. Rudyard. He can't be dead. I only saw him yesterday. We were going to work together - he was going to give me my big break.

Then Dixon, cuntface Dixon, chips in. “Did you see how he cut? It was like watching someone in slow motion. If he crossed the road the same way no wonder the poor bugger got a bicycle wrapped round him .” Toby (who has recently become Dixons fucking sidekick) sniggered.

No-one else seemed to hear them, but I was in utter disbelief at these cunts - a good mans died and they find it fucking funny? Something exploded within in me like a reactor. I wanted to scream, I wanted to put them in their place. I wanted to say:

“You bunch of self obsessed fickle heartless fucking cunts, all of you. ALL OF FUCKING YOU.”

Then everyone went silent. All eyes were suddenly on me, their faces painted with a look of utter disgust. The MD's jaw dropped like someone had just keyed his Porsche (or stuffed prawns under the lining of his seat). And it was then that I realised.

I realised that I had actually said it out loud this time.